Elyse Sewell ([info]elysesewell) wrote,
2008-12-02 17:54:00

giant nerd

My mom is full of life wisdoms like rinsing and re-using her Ziplocs, using the garage as a refrigerator when it's cold enough outside, and eschewing all lotions and perfumes that smell like food (isn't she so right? Body Shop "Satsuma"? The vile "Warm Vanilla Sugar" from Bath and Body Works? Disgusting!) Just being in her presence, I start to emulate her domestic horse sense and assume her stylish preferences; however, some of my mom's truths are so sacred that she can't trust her daughter just to perceive them. They must be passed on in words, aided by intense eye contact.

"Elyse," she said, with a grim set to her lips. "Don't stop at the jawline. You need to put moisturizer on your neck, too." "Elyse, there is no reason for you to fuck with a screwdriver. Get yourself a cordless drill and use it."

Ma is a speech-language pathologist; she recently started doing therapy in a nursing home. I thought I would pass this latest tidbit on to you:

"Elyse, flossing is not enough. You need to stimulate your gums. Do whatever you can to keep your original teeth into your dotage. These oldsters in the nursing home: they lose their teeth and get dentures, but the structural integrity of their gums starts to degrade, the dentures won't stay in place, and it causes all sorts of problems, from speech impediments to malnutrition. Keep your original teeth!"

Mom uses those pre-strung floss picks for periodontal stimulation after every meal.

That said, have you guys tried these new giant Nerds? Oh shit! I appreciate Nerds in every conformation, but these pea-sized soft-core Nerdballs may surpass the slightly stale Tropical Nerds Rope as the most delicious venue in which Nerds and their associated flavors and textures appear. And pink tastes like heart-shaped Runt (how's that for synesthesia?).

Giant Nerds, for you I would have dentures in the nursing home. Sorry, mom.

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[info]duckierose

December 3 2008, 01:00:07 UTC 3 years ago

Anyone who talks about synesthesia is aces in my book.

[info]punk_peanut_

December 3 2008, 04:23:19 UTC 3 years ago

Ah, synesthesia is an obsession. Once you enter, you never leave.

[info]geekmom

3 years ago

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[info]duckierose

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]duckierose

3 years ago

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[info]k_in_sf

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]glassmarble

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]xprocess

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]deadhellokitty

3 years ago

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[info]boyshapedbox

December 3 2008, 01:01:22 UTC 3 years ago

Nerds Rope..... *droooooool*

[info]beliefunwrought

December 3 2008, 17:02:33 UTC 3 years ago

My thoughts exactly

[info]juggarnut

December 3 2008, 01:01:39 UTC 3 years ago

lol

How does stimulating the gum help original teeth stay intact?

[info]btrfly9irl

December 3 2008, 02:25:07 UTC 3 years ago

Re: lol

if you do not take care of your gums the bacteria will work down and destroy the bone that holds your teeth in your head. then they will fall out.

google it, it's true.

Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]___sixtilsunday

December 3 2008, 01:02:28 UTC 3 years ago

The Nerds look good, but your Mom's dental advice just scared me. IDK if I'll ever eat anything crunchy or chewy or hard ever again. What will I eat?!?

[info]radiopore

December 3 2008, 01:03:08 UTC 3 years ago

The vanilla sugar scent is actually the only scent from Bath and Body that I like.

[info]zanthia494

December 3 2008, 01:55:13 UTC 3 years ago

Same here! I like smelling like a freshly baked cake!

[info]subzero_fun

3 years ago

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[info]zanthia494

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]jkd_stylist

December 3 2008, 01:05:18 UTC 3 years ago

1. "Elyse, there is no reason for you to fuck with a screwdriver." This is probably good advice, as I imagine that could be quite painful and dangerous.

2. G-g-giant Nerds?! MUST HAVE!

[info]blueymcphluey

December 3 2008, 03:23:19 UTC 3 years ago

1. perhaps, but something tells me a cordless drill will only make matters worse, though :P

[info]evel66

3 years ago

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[info]just_enough

December 3 2008, 01:06:29 UTC 3 years ago

those giant Nerds are the cats pajamas

[info]umlautitude.blogspot.com

December 3 2008, 01:08:26 UTC 3 years ago

mom knows best. but, it would be hard to pass up those nerds. so colorful.

[info]insidewantsout

December 3 2008, 01:08:51 UTC 3 years ago

i love heart shaped runts! and my parents put food in the garage in the winter too.

do they sell giant nerds in the states? i can't believe they have escaped me. they sound delicious.

[info]bizetsy

December 3 2008, 01:28:46 UTC 3 years ago

I got them in Los Angeles last week.

[info]laughing_anima

3 years ago

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Anonymous

December 3 2008, 01:10:19 UTC 3 years ago

how long are you in the states for?

[info]elysesewell

December 3 2008, 02:10:47 UTC 3 years ago

I'm not. I'm in Tokyo awaiting the resolution of my grueling fucked up flight bullshit.

[info]elysesewell

3 years ago

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[info]stevejosephson

3 years ago

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[info]stevejosephson

3 years ago

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[info]averyjedi

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]twilight

December 3 2008, 01:11:18 UTC 3 years ago

People make fun of me for having to floss after every meal... I use those pre-strung flossers too, but the ones that are colored and shaped like dinosaurs (or trains, if they're an off brand) are much more sturdy.

[info]btrfly9irl

December 3 2008, 02:26:05 UTC 3 years ago

then you can make fun of them for having cavities, gingivitis and periodontal disease :)

[info]wildthingsr

December 3 2008, 01:12:40 UTC 3 years ago

NEEERDS

I wondering about the actual size of these things. They look like they could be as big as VW bugs. Sweets Companies be pushing the envelope. It makes me wonder in this age of constant retro-poop if candies are also experiencing some form of nostalgia influx. What happened to Abba-Zabbas & ring pops? will they make a comeback? are Sugar Grand-daddies around the corner?

[info]fidiusorg

December 4 2008, 16:11:40 UTC 3 years ago

Re: NEEERDS

Abba Zabas.

Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]dehumidifier

December 3 2008, 01:13:46 UTC 3 years ago

Those giant nerds look very familiar. Have they been around for awhile or do they just resemble another candy, possibly from my youth, possibly retired...

[info]dehumidifier

December 3 2008, 01:17:35 UTC 3 years ago

Ok, I figured it out. Bumpy gumballs, the kind from the machines.

[info]smallminds

December 3 2008, 01:14:51 UTC 3 years ago

whaat? giant nerds sounds yummeh.

Anonymous

December 3 2008, 01:14:53 UTC 3 years ago

My mother-in-law is a physical therapist and is always telling me what not to do to myself. "Ellen, don't twist your neck that way/ crack your wrists/ bend your back backwards." (which I do because of gymnastics injuries) "Ellen, you need to take 6 prenatal vitamins per day just in case you get pregnant. You don't want to lack folic acid when you conceive because the first six weeks are the most important and you won't know that early." "Ellen, make sure that you floss and brush as often as possible." (she's even gone so far as to buy us toothpaste and floss and drop it off on our doorstep)... It's very caring but sometimes I just want to tell her that I will have fun while I'm young and do what I want to... ~ Ellen
PS Those nerds look delish. (Delic?)

[info]ncsujen

December 10 2008, 21:51:22 UTC 3 years ago

She's totally right about the folic acid. People think it's ok to start taking prenatals after that positive test or first doctor's appt, but you need the FA early. It's so important!

[info]uponthesky

December 3 2008, 01:16:43 UTC 3 years ago

I've tried those and they are gross!

[info]haruhiko

December 3 2008, 01:20:05 UTC 3 years ago

Your mom rocks! My mom does the same thing -- she leaves food out on the balcony/porch/counter/windowsill when it's cold out, which is great since a lot of foods don't need to be refrigerator-cold, just chilled. (E.g. Rice becomes absolute crap in the fridge!)

And yeah, can't stand scented lotions either. Even a lot of the "unscented" shit on the market contain masking fragrances, which still bug the hell out of me.

[info]eblinka

December 4 2008, 06:34:57 UTC 3 years ago

What lotion do you end up using?

[info]haruhiko

3 years ago

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[info]debbiegirl

December 3 2008, 01:21:19 UTC 3 years ago

My goodness...I enjoy reading your entries everytime you post a new one. It's always so entertaining, interesting, and fun. I seriously, check your journal everyday. I know....totally stalkerish....anyways, those Nerds look like beasts...I gotsta get me some of those..

[info]stayaround

December 3 2008, 01:21:44 UTC 3 years ago

I feel bad for wondering if the screw driver comment was a metaphor for sex with a man versus just buying a vibrator. especially since a mom said it.

[info]kayashta

December 3 2008, 11:46:23 UTC 3 years ago

Well.. moms do have sex. Thus being moms. ;)

And I have to admit, I went there too when I first read it.

[info]smashbot

December 3 2008, 01:24:39 UTC 3 years ago

Giant Nerds are a crime against nature. What next, giant Micro Machines?

[info]elysesewell

December 3 2008, 02:23:42 UTC 3 years ago

Queen Nerds (the biggest naturally-occurring Nerd in a box) may be a biological anomaly but they are in no way a crime against nature! I believe that Giant Nerds are a logical extension of the Queen Nerd phenomenon.

Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]smashbot

3 years ago

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[info]k_in_sf

3 years ago

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Anonymous

December 3 2008, 01:26:00 UTC 3 years ago

assuredly, i need not warn you about a nerds gumball?
very nerdy disappointing and they're crap

[info]monkeyssk8

December 3 2008, 01:31:17 UTC 3 years ago

I love the transition from dental health to sugary candy. Nice.

[info]katsteardrop

December 3 2008, 01:32:56 UTC 3 years ago

oof. she is so right about the neck moisturizing. my mother has a waddle like nobody's business; as beautiful as she is at 60 years old, i don't care to inherit that particular physical quality.

[info]the_ma

December 3 2008, 04:52:13 UTC 3 years ago

You know you just sealed your fate, don't you? My mother said about her mother, "Please, just don't let me inherit fat on my knees and chippy nails" and guess what?
yeppers-fatty knees and dry nails galore

Anonymous

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]k_in_sf

3 years ago

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[info]akamcgee

3 years ago

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[info]10zlaine

December 3 2008, 01:35:02 UTC 3 years ago

How great would it be if Wonka put Dum Dums out of business by sticking these on sucker sticks? Jesus, I'm getting Type-2 just thinking about it.

[info]zetai

December 3 2008, 01:46:17 UTC 3 years ago

Just call her Gummy

At the risk of coming across hopelessly wasteful, I never reuse a plastic bag that's had meat in it. I mitigate this offense by not spending the extra money on fancy-pants name brand plastic bags.

Must resist making crude screwdriver-related comment, other than to say I agree with [info]the_ma. Must also resist using the term drilldo, although your prudish self no doubt wouldn't recognize the reference.

Not to worry, you're rich enough to afford dental implants anyway. In the meantime, gum stimulation is why we have Water Pik.

[info]sweetbabie1229

December 3 2008, 03:37:44 UTC 3 years ago

Re: Just call her Gummy

your posts never cease to leave me completely bewildered.

Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]stevejosephson

3 years ago

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[info]the_ma

3 years ago

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[info]stevejosephson

3 years ago

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[info]the_ma

3 years ago

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[info]stevejosephson

3 years ago

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3 years ago

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[info]fidiusorg

3 years ago

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