Elyse Sewell ([info]elysesewell) wrote,
2006-12-04 19:58:00
  • Previous
  • Memorize
  • Share
  • Next

ride around shining

Oh. An appalling and hopeless Sunday-afternoon ennui warshed over [info]elysesewell. Paris is all cold and rainy; yesterday I walked by a book-crammed flea market and hatched the wild scheme to find an English-language book and spend the entire weekend lolling around my apartment, draped over the space heater, reading. "Even if it's Stephen King, I'm sure somebody will have at least one English-language book to satisfy my lazy weekend needs!" An hour later I was still scrabbling through grimy secondhand French novels thinking, "Even if it's Danielle Steel...even if it's the Bible...must read a book tonight." Found nothing. Well, I did find something, but couldn't quite bring myself to commit 3 Euros and a Saturday night to Napoleon and Josephine: Biography of a Marriage. Merde!

I was forced to come home and scrutinize every single word of an ancient British tabloid left behind by a previous apartment occupant. I also tortured myself with some French MTV. Attention, French rappeuses: you suck. A bit of dog shit dropped on top of a Casio beat does not a legitimate gangsta jam make. You and le posse are thugging on foot through the baroque-ass "ghettoes" of suburban Paris, you don't have whips or nines or wet, so what the hell are you rapping about? Bling? Beef? I guess Bitches is the only gangsta topic left. But on the subject of Hoez, I would rather hear the subliterate Akon mewling, "Smack that ass, out on the floor / Smack that ass, 'til you get sore" than bump to Les Psy 4 de la Rime (ha!).

Several people rushed to the defense of the German pickle-flavored Lay's that I dissed. So today I tried the French "Mustard Pickle" version. Ugh, toxic caustic yellow salt licks. Left me with burning thirst and burning question: What zee fuck it's means, "pickle"?


Luckily the packet was footnoted.




(In France, the minature cucumbers soaking in jars of brine are called "concombres" [cucumbers], "cornichons," or, as in Great Britain, "gherkins." Europe, if you can believe it, is an entire continent full of people oblivious to the charms of the John Holmesish "Hot Mama Dill Pickle" available at truck stops across the Land of the Free).

Sometime during my epic struggle to translate the all-French anthropology exhibits at the Musée de L'Homme, I realized it's so much easier to enjoy the Picasso Museum. Don't need to speak French to understand the exuberant hilarious message of my favorite sculpture:


And finally, this picture is a blurry piece of crap, but I believe it contains an urgent message to any young man out there considering sacrificing his dignity upon the altar of male modeling.

  • Post a new comment

    Error

    switch
     
    Help
  • 194 comments
Previous
← Ctrl← Alt
Next
Ctrl →Alt →

[info]ac_slater

December 4 2006, 19:01:44 UTC 5 years ago

Male Modeling

hahahahaha

[info]rewrites

December 4 2006, 19:04:07 UTC 5 years ago

Some flavors are just NOT meant to be in/on potato chips.

[info]xioley

December 4 2006, 19:06:14 UTC 5 years ago

But the tomato-mozzarella-basil sounds tastay.

[info]elysesewell

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]silsbycarr

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]tsarinasascha

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]tsarinasascha

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]alithea

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]duckierose

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]mvaldemar

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]duckierose

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]mvaldemar

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]duckierose

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]adjectivegirl

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]mvaldemar

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]adjectivegirl

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]mvaldemar

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]chronologie

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]glitterpoo

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]terry

December 4 2006, 19:06:56 UTC 5 years ago

It's funny that you have pictures of Lay's chips when I posted about a new flavor of potato chip in my LJ last night. Zapp's Tabasco flavored are good but I wouldn't recommend eating them right before you go to bed.

[info]medbot

December 4 2006, 19:07:06 UTC 5 years ago

When I was in India, I grew quite fond of "Masala" Lays. DE-lish.

[info]elysesewell

December 4 2006, 19:16:01 UTC 5 years ago

Mmm. In HK they have "Japanese Gyoza" flavored chips which are delect. Do Asian spices naturally lend themselves to coating potato chips? American foods splattered all over chips are repulsive ("Pizzalicious," "Cooler Ranch").

PS My will is as stong as yours, and my kingdom is great.

[info]likeamarmoset

5 years ago

  • Loading...

Anonymous

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]squeakykitty

5 years ago

  • Loading...
...and 4 more comments... from [info]danithesquirrel, [info]medbot, [info]superflippy… Expand

[info]evil_holls

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]medbot

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]orangebaroness

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]taillow

December 4 2006, 19:07:21 UTC 5 years ago

i've had american pickle chips: that shit is nasty.

[info]bettybites

December 4 2006, 22:00:12 UTC 5 years ago

Fuck no! They are yum!

[info]bliss_street

December 4 2006, 19:08:42 UTC 5 years ago

Kudos for "warshed over."

Anonymous

December 4 2006, 19:12:32 UTC 5 years ago

Dude, nice avatar.

http://www.lebowskifest.com/abide_goodies.asp

[info]erdbeermund

December 4 2006, 19:10:00 UTC 5 years ago

I would've gotten the Napoleon and Josephine book.
You're right about those disgusting chips.

Anonymous

December 4 2006, 19:11:14 UTC 5 years ago

Le Shopping Pour Noel Par Homme

That's how I like to dress when I head out for toilet paper.

[info]squata_hey

December 4 2006, 19:11:22 UTC 5 years ago

Tomate Mozzarella Basilic chips sound tres tasty. I would say to hell with the pro-pickle posters and go with those.

[info]fgg_1

December 4 2006, 19:11:26 UTC 5 years ago

The French are so creative when it comes to flavors. I mean, do people really call for chicken-flavored POTATOE chips? I guess the French do... Elyse, I love your blog, so creative!

[info]ladypuppy

December 4 2006, 21:18:51 UTC 5 years ago

You've obviously never had Chicken in a Biskit crackers. Rush to a supermarket as soon as you can and get a box. And if you pick up a can of spray cheese to gild the lily, I won't tell anyone.

[info]fgg_1

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]ladypuppy

5 years ago

  • Loading...

Anonymous

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]ladypuppy

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]silsbycarr

December 4 2006, 19:12:25 UTC 5 years ago

When I was studying in Elgnad I bought pickle flavored chips thinking they would taste like dill pickles... I was very wrong.

[info]silsbycarr

December 4 2006, 19:12:40 UTC 5 years ago

wow, England.

[info]ecstaticfoil

December 4 2006, 19:15:33 UTC 5 years ago

http://etext.library.adelaide.edu.au/

[info]elysesewell

December 4 2006, 19:19:17 UTC 5 years ago

I need paper pages to turn. Can't create a booger farm inside the back cover of my laptop!

[info]paulkienitz

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]didism

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]greenlandgem

December 4 2006, 19:15:46 UTC 5 years ago

Britain brought out these packets of "posh crisps" a couple years ago, with more "refined" flavours. Being a boring missionary-style salted fan myself, I could never bring myself to try them so can't remember many, but the Marmite flavour sticks to my memory like - well - a glob of said shite. For those of you who don't know Marmite (count yourselves very, very lucky) it's a hideous toast-condiment made from the dregs of fermented yeast. I kid ye not. And now it has invaded the land of crisps.

[info]elysesewell

December 4 2006, 19:18:03 UTC 5 years ago

You must have been hallucinating the Marmite chip. I refuse to believe it. The only more disgusting imaginable flavor would be Bovril.

[info]fgg_1

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]ladywhisp

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]greenlandgem

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]drabheathen

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]fgg_1

5 years ago

  • Loading...
...and 4 more comments... from [info]bateaus, [info]desayuno_ingles, [info]evil_holls… Expand

[info]randomsign

December 4 2006, 19:18:23 UTC 5 years ago

That ham & cheese shit sounds promising, and the dill pickle chips in canada are nice with it, so I don't know.

Mustard pickle chips though, that just sounds wrong.

[info]darkbob

December 4 2006, 19:22:33 UTC 5 years ago

I've had seaweed flavored Lays in Thailand as well as some 'Po Tak' which is a type of Thai spicy seafood soup. It was pretty damn good!

[info]fgg_1

December 4 2006, 19:25:09 UTC 5 years ago

Those actually sound good.

[info]darkbob

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]elysesewell

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]kristaceous

5 years ago

  • Loading...

Anonymous

December 4 2006, 19:24:13 UTC 5 years ago

A nice library near the Opera (oldest one)

http://www.brentanos.fr/

[info]suzsqueak

December 4 2006, 19:34:42 UTC 5 years ago

Re: A nice library near the Opera (oldest one)

I agree on Brentano's. It's the place I always run to when I run out of books to read in Paris, which happens more frequently than you'd think with me.

The other bookstore option would be W.H. Smith. It's located at 248 rue de Rivoli, and the hours are Monday - Saturday 9:00 a.m. to 7:30 p.m., Sunday 1:00 to 7:30 p.m.

Hope that helps.

[info]ragegravy

December 4 2006, 19:24:41 UTC 5 years ago

when i was living in europe i was so dissapointed with the italian potato chips. my mom sent me salt and vinegar lay's from canada. as well as beef jerky.

[info]greenlandgem

December 4 2006, 19:40:39 UTC 5 years ago

I get corn chips sent to me from the ole BC hometown. Europeans just don't get tortilla chips. Sigh! Especially the awesome organic blue corn ones....

[info]mvaldemar

December 4 2006, 19:27:04 UTC 5 years ago

Nevermind the flavors, what about the pleats on the maxi-crackers on the right? They're snacks so neat and orderly I'd be afraid that if I ate them, my mother would yell at me that those are the company chips.

[info]ladycakes

December 4 2006, 19:27:42 UTC 5 years ago

I am both facinated and horrified by the endless list of flavors they come up with in labs.

[info]poeticloner

December 4 2006, 19:31:00 UTC 5 years ago

Don't diss on Mr. Stephen King! I can let you get away with Danielle Steel, though.

Mm, chips.

[info]moroccomole

December 4 2006, 19:35:13 UTC 5 years ago

If you find catsup-flavored chips, they are le delicious.

And why is that poor male model forced to hold a handbag while simultaneously wearing a boxing glove?

[info]dvotedarthurian

December 4 2006, 19:38:35 UTC 5 years ago

Pickle chips

I feel I ought to defend my favoritest chips, Dill Pickle Chips. I will admit to having never tried Lay's pickle chips but the Golden Flake Dill Pickle chips are suprisingly tasty. Unfortantly for most of you, Golden Flake is a southern company based out of Birmingham, AL. Which means their dill pickley goodness is beyond your reach. Ah well, more for me. And to think I don't even like REAL dill pickles.

[info]periwinkle

December 4 2006, 19:40:35 UTC 5 years ago

Not that [info]periwinkle has a problem with it or anything, but [info]periwinkle isn't sure what to make of [info]elysesewell's recent fondness for referring to [info]elysesewell in third person.

[info]elysesewell

December 4 2006, 19:48:12 UTC 5 years ago

You don't know the half: I've started doing it in conversation too. Oh, and I'm unable to stop myself using "finger-quotes." Definitely descending into madness over here. Just promise to stop me before I start to :) .

[info]periwinkle

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]duckierose

5 years ago

  • Loading...

Anonymous

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]duckierose

December 4 2006, 19:47:34 UTC 5 years ago

Have you ever heard of Bamba? It's like cheetos, only peanut butter instead of fake cheese.

[info]fgg_1

December 4 2006, 19:49:46 UTC 5 years ago

I love peanut butter! That sounds delicious!

[info]duckierose

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]fgg_1

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]duckierose

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]fgg_1

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]duckierose

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]staci_chan

5 years ago

  • Loading...

[info]designingdreams

December 4 2006, 19:48:44 UTC 5 years ago

Roast chicken and thyme? *BARFS*

Some things should NOT be potato chips.

Spicy sounds tasty, though. Mmmm, spicy...

[info]adjectivegirl

December 5 2006, 16:06:31 UTC 5 years ago

The thing about roast chicken and thyme chips is when I had them at a Sunday roast my flatmates threw in England, I started eating them compulsively because in some way, they are so disgusting and the only cure was to eat more. It was like a hostage situation; finally a bottle of pino grigio intervened.
Previous
← Ctrl← Alt
Next
Ctrl →Alt →
Create an Account
Forgot your login or password?
Facebook Twitter More login options
English • Español • Deutsch • Русский…