Elyse Sewell ([info]elysesewell) wrote,
2009-01-16 09:09:00

giant slalom

I've been struggling not to let the cold weather shrink my world: it's so easy to come home from from my day's ladypose, rip off my false eyelashes and stick them to the wall, boil up some rooibos with cut-up ginger, and collapse into bed with a piece of the dogshit British "chicklit" library I have amassed (and oh god, that is a bleak genre. If you ever have to read one, mark this: a character will always turn "puce." Someone will always get drunk and "croak," not speak, the next morning. And "Milk Tray" will always make an appearance). And only leave the house otherwise to run to the public bathhouse in my swaddling clothes, cutting a ridic-lookin' silhouette: hat over brow, scarf over face, hood of tentlike men's coat over head, spherical wooly exoskeleton gathering hoar while legs clad in pants of mobility-inhibiting tightness scramble beneath.

No! Must not succumb to a spin cycle in the doldrums. Must go to the indoor skiing slope!




I thought for some reason that there wouldn't be real snow; I imagined a warm room with a slope covered in foam, or sand, or...something. Nope. Snow.


Access to the bunny slope was via the easiest ski lift ever: a rubberized travelator.


Pretty saucy stance, dude, but you and me and everyone else in the room were TERRIBLE at skiing and snowboarding. At least the Shanghainese people had an excuse. I grew up in the damn Rockies and was still hurtling down the slope, poles in the air, splayed like a starfish.




I'm about to slump off to bed, leaving you with this Coach knockoff fail. 'Nite.

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[info]shellycrash

January 16 2009, 16:12:26 UTC 3 years ago

I don't think I could pass and not buy a gold "Cooch" bag.

[info]teh_dirty_robot

January 16 2009, 17:46:57 UTC 3 years ago

Same here!

[info]bunny_tsukino

3 years ago

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[info]le_jaders

3 years ago

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[info]bodyparts

3 years ago

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[info]le_jaders

3 years ago

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[info]thatsevenbetter

January 16 2009, 16:14:01 UTC 3 years ago

Little known fact, Coach started as a Cooch knockoff.

[info]captain_condom

January 16 2009, 16:29:44 UTC 3 years ago

Hahahahahaha.

[info]cristalskye

3 years ago

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[info]thatsevenbetter

3 years ago

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[info]meliasaurus

3 years ago

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[info]thatsevenbetter

3 years ago

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[info]mentalcatharsis

3 years ago

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[info]eee1313

January 16 2009, 16:14:30 UTC 3 years ago

The "Cooch" bag is awesome. I'd buy it just for shits & giggles.

[info]meliasaurus

January 17 2009, 00:26:07 UTC 3 years ago

<3 icon!

[info]coach_purses

1 year ago

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[info]invalidity

January 16 2009, 16:15:38 UTC 3 years ago

My first time skiing was unfortunately my last. There was no way in hell that I was ever strapping planks of wood to my feet and hurling myself down a steep, snowy hill for pleasure again. Too ridic.

Love the cooch bag.

[info]desireless

January 16 2009, 16:16:00 UTC 3 years ago

That bag is all kinds of amazing.

Anonymous

January 16 2009, 16:17:04 UTC 3 years ago

Brit-chick-lit

As a British girl living in a town where the average bookshop consists only of poor chick lit and misery memoirs, I consider myself a master of the genre, and have to say that your outline of the constants is pretty accurate.
But how could you forget the frequency with which characters sit glumly nursing mugs of tea thinking of their lost beau?

Come on, that's the very best bit.

[info]romperwebby

January 16 2009, 16:17:11 UTC 3 years ago

damn ancient skinny skis!

[info]ex_flumes427

January 16 2009, 23:25:04 UTC 3 years ago

for real!

[info]cellophanestarr

January 16 2009, 16:17:20 UTC 3 years ago

Trying to figure out if the "Swallow" brand ski is Engrish...

[info]elysesewell

January 16 2009, 16:29:15 UTC 3 years ago

I think it's a Salomon knockoff.

[info]daitenshi_dream

3 years ago

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Anonymous

January 16 2009, 16:17:33 UTC 3 years ago

British Chick Lit will also always talk about getting something at "Marks and Sparks."

[info]talkingtocactus

January 16 2009, 18:26:55 UTC 3 years ago

but marks and spark *is* awesome. although i think most of us stopped calling it that in about 1988.

[info]javafox

3 years ago

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[info]talkingtocactus

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]elysesewell

3 years ago

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[info]talkingtocactus

3 years ago

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[info]thaumata

3 years ago

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[info]talkingtocactus

3 years ago

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[info]tragic_and_hip

January 16 2009, 16:17:45 UTC 3 years ago

I love the indoor ski joints in korea, can you drink beer at the ones in Shanghai?

[info]sarahmarae

January 16 2009, 23:03:29 UTC 3 years ago

Wow, that just seems like a terrible idea.... I like it!

[info]tragic_and_hip

3 years ago

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[info]elysesewell

3 years ago

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[info]tragic_and_hip

3 years ago

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[info]youkulm

January 16 2009, 16:18:06 UTC 3 years ago

lol awesome bag

Anonymous

January 16 2009, 16:18:40 UTC 3 years ago

I'm glad that you're enjoying yourself

have you visited the nightclubs on the Bund yet?

[info]elysesewell

January 17 2009, 03:12:22 UTC 3 years ago

Re: I'm glad that you're enjoying yourself

No! I can't not, right? But every time Friday night, 11:30pm rolls around, I'm like, can I not? I might be acting a little too precious about my loathin' for clubbin'; maybe it would be excellent and boys would flock to me.

PS I had dinner at a Sichuan restaurant with an English menu. There on the menu, between the bullfrog and the chicken, was dog meat. You could order it prepared in three different ways! [I had tofu.]

[info]atomeyes

3 years ago

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[info]numba1cunt

3 years ago

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[info]clowninpathos

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]clowninpathos

3 years ago

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[info]wallybat

January 16 2009, 16:19:07 UTC 3 years ago

the cooch bag is WIN! now is there a doobey and bork bag?

[info]whiteheliotrope

January 16 2009, 22:20:08 UTC 3 years ago

doobey and bjork*

[info]andetheriel

January 16 2009, 16:21:51 UTC 3 years ago

That bag reminds me of NW Couch. I miss Portland right now...

[info]jolielaide

January 16 2009, 18:15:41 UTC 3 years ago

I had the same thought! I definitely need a bag like that, just to help non-locals with their pronounciatin'.

[info]dooomkitten

3 years ago

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[info]lady_jane

January 16 2009, 16:23:00 UTC 3 years ago

I want a rubberized travelator just for my apartment.

Cooch. Huh. Not a signal the fashionable set want to send... unless they're Paris Hilton maybe.

[info]xioley

January 16 2009, 16:34:56 UTC 3 years ago

I love the Cooch (jelly)bag!

[info]whizzerandchips

January 16 2009, 16:36:35 UTC 3 years ago

Peace.

[info]provoca7eur

January 16 2009, 16:37:34 UTC 3 years ago

Fer Brit lit, try Something Leather. Only one mention of a puce, punce and pounce.

[info]thetruenoir

January 16 2009, 16:40:36 UTC 3 years ago

If you want to read some better British chick-lit, I heartily recommend anything by Freya North. Her writing needs its own genre, she's amazing.
The Cooch bag is spectacular. I really want to see someone walking around with that.

[info]siren_songs

January 16 2009, 16:43:19 UTC 3 years ago

It's a false assumption that everyone who grew up near mountains can ski. I'm from Colorado and whenever anyone finds that out, their first question is always "Can you ski?" No, no I can't. I have tried and it is not a pretty sight.

[info]dod_yhwh

January 16 2009, 17:09:00 UTC 3 years ago

hear hear! Native Coloradoan here (grew up i Colorado Springs, now live in Denver) and I'veeen skiing 1once in my entire life- I ended up getting a ride down the slopes on one of th ski-doo's cuz I was too f-in afraid to actually ski! And whenever people ask me if I ski, I say, "Hell no The only reason the ski resorts stay open is for the californians!"

[info]siren_songs

3 years ago

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Anonymous

3 years ago

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[info]buzziecat

3 years ago

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[info]siren_songs

3 years ago

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...and 3 more comments... from [info]numba1cunt, Anonymous, [info]lovelyable Expand

[info]hjalmartazar

January 16 2009, 16:44:19 UTC 3 years ago

I've never been skiing ever, but that looks like a lot of fun! Love the bag. Should get it for my Coach-obsessed sis.

[info]mental_picture

January 16 2009, 16:45:17 UTC 3 years ago

That Cooch bag is somehow still infinitely less tacky than Coach.

[info]apothecaries

January 16 2009, 16:46:47 UTC 3 years ago

I want that Cooch purse! How delightfully embarrassing :D

[info]gracefuleigh

January 16 2009, 16:47:45 UTC 3 years ago

I once bought a Kate Spide bag... just cause...

[info]elysesewell

January 17 2009, 00:15:39 UTC 3 years ago

YEARS later I'm still kicking myself for not buying a pair of Melvin Kleins. Now all I ever see is Calvin Kieine.

[info]awwsweetie

January 16 2009, 16:49:11 UTC 3 years ago

Jajajaja... cooch.
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